I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
