My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
