I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
