and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
