Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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