I hate your face
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
