just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
