Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
