I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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