i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Fuck appropriateness.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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