just tell him i said nine months
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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