I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize