i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
