I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
