So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
