he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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