I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
