remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
