watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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