it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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