Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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