So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
