So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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