Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
