Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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