Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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