Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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