onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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