I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
