Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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