he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
