I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
