I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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