My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
