It's like God shit irony all over that family
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
