GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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