21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
