well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
