This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
