I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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