She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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