New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
