he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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