TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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