I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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