I think im going to throw up on grandma
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
