Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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