Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
