I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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