Do you still have your period?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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