You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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