I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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