i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
