After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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