We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize