Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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