Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This is classic penis vs brain.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
