i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
