Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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