Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
