My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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