I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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