I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
