If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
