Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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