i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
