I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
