Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
