I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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