evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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