You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
