She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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