I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
