great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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